By Arnold Sanow
When verbal garbage gets dumped, it causes a cesspool of negative reactions. Put-downs, sarcasm, ethnic and racial attacks, accusations, and other verbal barbs stir up energy as egos jockey for respect. Verbal attacks usually deploy self-defense mechanisms and obliterate positive connections.
Certain words and phrases block connections cold, while at the same time making us steaming mad. They kick up a whirlwind of emotion, just like in weather patterns when cold and warm conditions combine to form a tornado! Connection-Crushing Communication usually brings out the beast, rather than the best in others.
Based on the book, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere … 8 keys to creating enduring connections with customers, co-workers – even kids” by Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss here are 11 words and phrases that destroy relationships and the ability for getting along:
* Blaming and Accusations
– If you hadn’t screwed up, we wouldn’t be in this mess
– How could you ever ….?
* Sarcastic remarks
* Profanity– Although it may not bother you, to many people profanity lowers their image of you
* Discriminatory remarks or insults about age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation. Remember the 3 areas to avoid in all general conversations: Sex, Politics and Religion*
– It can’t be that terrible!
– You’re telling a bunch of lies!
– You shouldn’t say those things.
– You’re wrong!
– That’s not true.
– I don’t believe you.
* Name-calling, put-downs, and anything that makes someone else feel inferior or stupid:
– I told you so!
– How many times have I told you (or gone over this)?
– What an absolutely stupid thing to say!
– I can’t believe how unprofessional you looked!
– What an idiot! How could you do such a thing?
– Can’t you ever do anything right?
* Ultimatums and threats:
– If you don’t, then …
– You better or else!
– Do it now!
– Do as I say!
– That’s the end of it. I don’t want to hear another word!
* Gross Generalizations and exaggerations:
– You never do what I ask!
– You always say that!
– Everything is always such a crisis with you
– All you ever do is complain!
– You’re always late!
– Why don’t you ever … ?
* Emotionally loaded responses:
– Here we go again!
– Oh, brother, I can’t believe you!
– I know exactly what you are thinking!
– That’s not how it happened!
* Impatient remarks:
– Not now!
– Keep it short.
– Hurry up!
To help you improve communication with customers and co-workers and build more positive, productive and profitable work relationships contact Angela Cox at firstname.lastname@example.org Get Along programs can be offered as keynotes, breakouts, seminars, training, retreats or facilitations and are great for enhancing communication, teambuilding, leadership, customer service, sales, and building rapport, relationships and positive interactions with others.