11 Words and Phrases that Destroy Relationships by Arnold Sanow
When verbal garbage gets dumped, it causes a cesspool of negative reactions. Put-downs, sarcasm, accusations, and other verbal barbs stir up energy as egos jockey for respect. Verbal attacks usually deploy self-defense mechanisms and obliterate positive connections.
Certain words and phrases block connections cold, while at the same time making us steaming mad. They kick up a whirlwind of emotion, just like in weather patterns when cold and warm conditions combine to form a tornado! Connection-Crushing Communication usually brings out the beast, rather than the best in others.
Based on the book, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere … 8 keys to creating enduring connections with customers, co-workers – even kids” by Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss www.getalongwithanyone.com here are 11 words and phrases that destroy relationships and the ability for getting along:
·       Blaming and Accusations 
–        If you hadn’t screwed up, we wouldn’t be in this mess
–        How could you ever ….?
·       Sarcastic remarks
·       Profanity
·       Discriminatory remarks or insults about
         age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation
·        Denial statements:
–        It can’t be that terrible!
–        You’re telling a bunch of lies!
–        You shouldn’t say those things.
–        You’re wrong!
–        That’s not true.
–        I don’t believe you.
·       Name-calling, put-downs, and anything
        that makes someone else feel inferior or stupid:
–        I told you so!
–        How many times have I told you (or gone over this) ?
–        What an absolutely stupid thing to say!
–        I can’t believe how unprofessional you looked!
–        What an idiot! How could you do such a thing?
–        Can’t you ever do anything right?
·       Ultimatums and threats:
–        If you don’t, then …
–        You better or else!
·       Demands:
–        Do it now!
–        Do as I say!
–        That’s the end of it. I don’t want to hear another word!
·        Gross Generalizations and exaggerations:
–        You never do what I ask!
–        You always say that!
–        Everything is always such a crisis with you
–        All you ever do is complain!
–        You’re always late!
–        Why don’t you ever … ?
·       Emotionally loaded responses:
–        Whatever!
–        Here we go again!
–        Oh, brother, I can’t believe you!
–        I know exactly what you are thinking!
–        That’s not how it happened!
·       Impatient remarks:
–        Not now!
–        Keep it short.
–        Hurry up!
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