11 Words and Phrases that Destroy Relationships by Arnold Sanow
When verbal garbage gets dumped, it causes a cesspool of negative reactions. Put-downs, sarcasm, accusations, and other verbal barbs stir up energy as egos jockey for respect. Verbal attacks usually deploy self-defense mechanisms and obliterate positive connections.
Certain words and phrases block connections cold, while at the same time making us steaming mad. They kick up a whirlwind of emotion, just like in weather patterns when cold and warm conditions combine to form a tornado! Connection-Crushing Communication usually brings out the beast, rather than the best in others.
Based on the book, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere … 8 keys to creating enduring connections with customers, co-workers – even kids” by Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss www.getalongwithanyone.com here are 11 words and phrases that destroy relationships and the ability for getting along:
· Blaming and Accusations
– If you hadn’t screwed up, we wouldn’t be in this mess
– How could you ever ….?
· Sarcastic remarks
· Profanity
· Discriminatory remarks or insults about
age, gender, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation
· Denial statements:
– It can’t be that terrible!
– You’re telling a bunch of lies!
– You shouldn’t say those things.
– You’re wrong!
– That’s not true.
– I don’t believe you.
· Name-calling, put-downs, and anything
that makes someone else feel inferior or stupid:
– I told you so!
– How many times have I told you (or gone over this) ?
– What an absolutely stupid thing to say!
– I can’t believe how unprofessional you looked!
– What an idiot! How could you do such a thing?
– Can’t you ever do anything right?
· Ultimatums and threats:
– If you don’t, then …
– You better or else!
· Demands:
– Do it now!
– Do as I say!
– That’s the end of it. I don’t want to hear another word!
· Gross Generalizations and exaggerations:
– You never do what I ask!
– You always say that!
– Everything is always such a crisis with you
– All you ever do is complain!
– You’re always late!
– Why don’t you ever … ?
· Emotionally loaded responses:
– Whatever!
– Here we go again!
– Oh, brother, I can’t believe you!
– I know exactly what you are thinking!
– That’s not how it happened!
· Impatient remarks:
– Not now!
– Keep it short.
– Hurry up!
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