Relationship Tips for 2012 by David Nour….
In 2012, please avoid these 10…
I have a mentor who has and continues to drive into me the power of language. When used effectively it is incredibly impactful. So, I’m reading more often, writing more often, listening and watching how others use language to engage and influence. What I’ve noticed is that as a society, we also use a lot of catchphrases. If you say any of these, please stop in 2012 – appealing to your logical self interest next to each one:
1. “Let’s Partner!” – what does that mean really? Instead ask for examples of sample alliance partnerships which have produced great results for both sides!
2. “I meant to…” – and then what happened? Did a better offer or a more interesting person, project, email come across your radar and you completely forgot about them? Be more intentional in the tasks and relationships you focus on in 2012.
3. “I’m sorry you feel that way…” – no you don’t. If you feel sorry, just apologize and quit sugar coating it.
4. “I’m not here to make friends…” – I’ve never seen this actually help the person saying it!
5. “It’s a win-win…” – like a “merger of equals,” there is no such thing; they hear “I’m going to win, you’ll lose, but you won’t know it until I’m long gone, when you’ll lose again!” Stop already.
6. “Here is what you should do…” – I learned this one from my wife; she doesn’t want me to fix it or tell her how to fix it. She just wants me to listen. Try listening more than you speak in 2012!
7. “Cheers, ciao, adiós,…” You’re not British, Italian, or Spanish – it’s English. “Good buy, see you soon, by for now” all suffice.
8. “I’m a good multitasker…” No you really aren’t. None of us are and when I hear you typing on the other side of our call, you’re clearly NOT listening to me!
9. “You’re Wrong!” This is a personal challenge for me (since I’m so shy and quiet!!). Healthy disagreements make you interesting to debate. Dismissing others entirely make you look arrogant and pompous!
10. “I know. That’s like when I…” When others are telling their story, don’t try to outdo them. One-man-up-ship is unbecoming, as is interrupting others!
Bonus: “But, however,…” Nothing good ever comes after but and however is a polite way of saying but! Stop it!
What an apt collection of phrases that build walls of resentment rather than boost connection. In an increasingly complex yet connected world it is all the more vital that we know how to connect and collaborate to stay relevant and sought-after. That begins by being heard and quotable, so perhaps a helpful follow-up to this post is quotability cues, the topic of my keynote, and my post on Harvard Business Review http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/12/craft_an_attention-grabbing_me.html